I wish

I wish someone would tell me they actually loved me. The words "I love you ___"

Not unconditionally i guess you can say, but because they actually do.

I am deprived of love. I'm babied...yes. But that is completely different.

Why must I be so god damn sensitive.

The beast awakens every day.

Searching for its source.

Lost within the ruins.

It doesn't know where to go, it doesn't know what to do.

Sitting unsure of what's happening next.

It attempts an action.

Still unsure of what to do.

The beast tries to achieve happiness but fails miserably.

There is no liaison or guilt with the beast, but only innocence.

The beast is harmless and only wants to be approved by the others.

Rejection always strikes towards the beast though.

The beast is a man. Treated as a hideous slave.

Mocked and misery brought upon, hope is eventually lost.

All that is left to do is to wait. See what happens next and keep hoping for something well to happen.

Death is upon all of us.

Waiting to strike each one of us at the right time.

Some of us leave others behind at the wrong time causing others misery.

The beast does not bring misery but only tries and bring happiness.

Most others see it as it as an exasperate.

All feels as if it is gone. But there is still hope deep down inside for its future.

I wake up... I'm alone.
I go to sleep... I'm alone.
In class... I sit alone. (Students at my school are rich snobs)
I get home... I'm alone. Most of the time.
I watch TV... Alone.
I sit in my room... Alone.
I eat dinner... Alone
I eat lunch... Alone.
I play games... Alone.
I watch movies... Alone.
I eat breakfast... Alone.
I do homework... Alone.

My life seems pretty lonely.

I want new friends that can be there for me. There are 3 I know that will always be there for me. I hope they will.
I don't know what I would do without them.

I can leave forever and only 3 would know I was gone.

I hate this place.


I have no motivation right now. I don't even know what's keeping me going right now. It's either the thought that one day I will be successful and have my own home or the thought that I will make someone proud in my life, and they will tell really meaning it.









There's always been a feeling like some kind of presence is with me. I don't feel alone but I know that I am. It just feels like something knows what I'm doing. Something knows what I'm thinking. Something knows what I'm going to do. Something knows where I am at all times. Except when I'm with "her" that presence feels like it vanishes and everything is perfect. She doesn't know she makes me feel like that. Or maybe she does?