:)

Someone told me that they loved me today.

I never met them before.


Talk about feeling special :)

What I do.

I play video games.
I write.
I watch t.v.
I surf the web.
I read.
I sing.
I walk.
I dance.
I draw.
I am not the person you think I am, watch tv and playing video games all day.

More than merely your average sit at home play video games all day kind of guy.

I'm a wrench.
I'm a socket.
I'm a Tool.
Use me as a catalyst in achieving whatever you must.

Use me as if I'm your paper to wipe your ass with.
I am imperfect. I am no where near anything you want me to be. I am myself and nothing more. I'm not anyone special. I'm just like everyone else.
Chew me up and spit me out.
Use me when needed. I am your taxi cab.
Would your emotions feel the same? Would there be care?
Everyone is equal. All are mutual.

Someday they'll see the distance is growing from the earth to my feet.
I do live up in a tree at times.

For your happiness comes my expense.
There is a facade between you and myself.
My facade which covers the idea of my intelligence. You believe what is false.


Your actions will effect you.

Jesus, God... Where are you tonight as I stare at the moon wishing for your guidance.


I shed tears every night thinking what went wrong. What might have I of done. But it cannot always be myself that causes problems.
I cannot live like this.
The thoughts circle my brain dreaming if I should take the emergency exit, should I?
No.
I am stronger than this. I can do more than this.
I do not need anyone at all.
Just the few close friend I have will carry me across the bridge onto the land.


My mind spins every day, I cannot breath, I cannot function, my eye's do not stop twitching from all the stress.

Thoughts change; the world is full of change. Some things are missed, some things are forgotten.
Others are cherished and others are taken advantage of.

To:

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

__________________________

I feel really love struck.

Shit.

It's by the person I've loved for a long time now.

Crying

I know why, I'm going to keep it to myself. I am scared. So scared.

Have you ever had that one person you always looked forward to see, that one person you knew that no matter when you saw them, it would always be well of a time. That every time you would see them, everything would feel almost perfect as if nothing else mattered. Have you ever had that feeling that they are all you really need. That there is no one else you really care for as much as you care for them. That you would jump in front of a car for them.








I have.

I'm afraid it might be lost.

:/

WHY

I don't get why I write in this stupid FUCKING blog. It's nothing like anyone reads the stupid FUCKING words that I write; Unless I show them. Why the FUCK do I do what I do. What the FUCK is wrong with me. Why the FUCK do I do the stupid shit that I do. Why the FUCK do people treat me as I'm stupid. I am NOT FUCKING stupid. It's a facade put on by myself on accident. I do not want to come off as STUPID. But why do I make myself come off stupid, and naive. I am just agreeable.
I hate myself, easily said. The stupid decisions I happen to make, the FUCKING shit I do that can be called unacceptable. When can I be CORRECT, for one FUCKING time?
Why the FUCK am I so sad right now? I FUCKING know why. Why the FUCK is my life filled with problems. When in my life will the problems be reduced. Why is everything revolved around some kind of FUCKING problem. Life is not suppose to be composed completely of PROBLEMS. But how about a goddamn FUCKING break. It's driving me to FUCKING insanity.

Bye.

:(